10-14-13 Letting Go/Getting Rid/Emptying out!

It’s after midnight, and I’m finally getting tired.  I’ve been out of sorts for several days/weeks lately and feeling like I’m surrounded by just plain old too much!  Too much at work, at home, in class…you name it.  I am trying desperately to organize, downsize, and to recognize what I need; what I want; what I have, etc.  And I’m completely and absolutely overwhelmed.  But, at the same time, I am exceedingly grateful and my life is filled with almost all positives and I am truly taking regular toll of the wonderful people and happenings around me.  But I think as I’m writing that, that I’ve actually hit on it!  I’m trying desperately….  I have to stop trying and just start letting.  I don’t know if that makes any sense to anyone else.  And I know it’s not very profound.  

I actually enjoyed bagging up two bags of “too big” workout clothes and some clothes that aren’t necessarily too big, but that just don’t fit right.  I’ve hung onto them just because I hate to let go and because well you just never know…some day you may find a use for them!  But Most of the camisole tops are too short and I’m not likely to “shrink” enough in height for them to ever work for me!!!  The large workout clothes aren’t necessarily from me shrinking but from me buying wrong because I have no clue what size to buy in different types of clothes and, for safety sake, I tend to err on too big!  Guess what, running shorts that are too big just do not work!!!!  So I bagged them up, listed them on freecycle.org and someone has already picked them up and emailed me back that she will be able to put it all to use.  That feels really good!  I also bagged up a bag of old purses and they’re being picked up in the morning.  I organized the dresser.  I think I have way too many socks, and bras and undies, etc.  But I couldn’t find my way to getting rid of those just yet!  I think when I go to Europe next month, I won’t bring back that which I pack!  That would be a start and leave a little room in the suitcases for bringing something back!!!  I am throwing out ripped and worn out things…finally!   I’m trying really hard to soak in the good feelings I get when I have less stuff around….and also the great feelings I get when I freecycle.org the stuff and others can get use out of it.  

Mostly, this week, the last week before I go to the Mikvah, I just want to empty more out.  The main prayer I want to offer at the Mikvah is that I stop looking back and continue the strengthen my “living now” and “looking forward” and of course be closer to G_d and what the peace and tranquility that provides…..  These are all the things I wanted to say at The Wall, where but I’m so happy to say that while I think I said none of them, my time at The Wall was one time I was truly 100% in the experience and I am thinking that will be likewise at the Mikvah.  And I’m so looking forward to the ceremonial cleansing of my past.  Not that I want to wipe it all away, I just want to clear it up/clean it up so that I keep the positive…there was much positive…and then look forward, without over-planning or over-expecting, to the future.