Something of Significance

significance▪  considerable, crucial, enormous, great, immense, particular,real, special

When you’re in your mid 50’s and you suddenly realize that what you say,
or what you do, or what you’ve done may not be a legacy of “Something of
Significance”, what do you do? How do you fill the humongous void you
suddenly realize may exist?! The truth is, maybe you have left some “stuff”
behind somewhere that is “Something of Significance” for someone. We don’t
really let most living people know if they have had that sort of impression on us.
So maybe there is no void. Maybe it’s just an expected thought or feeling of aging.
But what if there is? What if all you’ve done is get through the tasks before
you, get through life day by day thinking, as I think so many of us do, that…as
soon as I get through “this or that” it’s going to all be better. And then,
suddenly, you’re 56 years old and the last 40 years, well, they’re just gone.

When I was growing up, I knew the legal ages of 18 and 21; but all I wanted
was to be 16 years old and driving! For me, driving meant freedom. And I
wanted freedom.

And, reflecting on it all, I did get some…not nearly what I should have gone
out and gotten (is that a word?). Along the way, inner demons, fears, and
even terrors of not ever measuring up, parylized me in so many ways. But
most anyone who knows me would probably never believe that. Because at
the same time of this inner emotional parylized state, I also enjoyed the most
wonderful full life overflowing with more experiences than anyone could dream
of. It’s just that underneath it all, I lived with the most serious case of Imposter
Syndrome ever. And I still do. I’ve never felt completely free or completely at
ease or comfortable with any way I’ve behaved and/or looked.

But, back to the void. What exactly do you do about it? You can’t just wake up
one day and leave the world “Something of Significance” just because you
realized you haven’t done so yet.

What I’ve decided to do is continue to try to be close up to as many people as I can
who I perceive as being filled with Something of Significance. I want to write my
thoughts down. I don’t know why or who would ever want to read them. But I
think that I have something to say. {I’ve always thought that!}

Maybe if we all left our little morsels somewhere, insignificant as they may be or seem,
maybe if the universe lumps them all together, maybe then at least we can
look at what we’ve said, done or been as a PART of “Something of Significance”.