Saying Goodbye 2018 — and Welcome 2019

How many times do we get so close to New Year’s Eve and say to ourselves “thank goodness it’s over!”, or “it went too fast”, or something along either of those lines?  I am leaving 2018 in the strangest mental state of all — ambivalence! A lot happened in 2018, not just to me but to many people I love. Most of it resulted overall shows of strength and love and accomplishment; some of it was loss.  And loss is just never easy to deal with.

I turned 60 in 2018. Thank you God for that! My father died 3 months before his 60th birthday. So Linda, Laura and Lila have surpassed that; 3 “Schwartz kids” left to go to beat that horrible stat.

I lost Pebbles in 2018. She was a true poodle bitch! She was definitely the alpha dog between her and her brother Sonny. But she was funny and bossy and demanding and never loved me as much as she loved my brother in law Tom! Sonny misses her more than he or I both ever thought he would! She was not always very nice to him; but she was always there with him and he seems very lonely without her. And, of course, Sonny turned 13 years old in 2018; and he’s showing his age and discomforts. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be around. For now, he doesn’t seem to be in too much pain and discomfort and so I hope he’s content and happy.  Every time I come home, he acts like he was certain I’d never come back. I cannot imagine what this move was like for him. So different than what he had; so unexpected and probably unwanted!

I finally finished enough refurbishing on the Brunswick house I voluntarily kept at the end of my marriage. When I say enough, I mean enough to respectably put it on the market to sell.  And sell it I did!  The first day in May that I put it on the market. And $3000 over asking price. This sounds so much better than it is!  Because today when you sell a house, they offer over asking price and then beat you up after the housing inspection to get it back down to where you were in the first place! Even when the housing inspection didn’t really find anything “wrong”, but possibilities! I sold a 60 year old house (built the same month and year I was born!) and so everything in it was sort of typical for its age! And they don’t tell you until afterward if the mortgage funding went through so that you don’t know whether to “hold your ground” and not give back money and risk starting the whole process over again; or just give up the money you never had anyway to “move on”. I was fortunate to be able to end up somewhere in the middle of all that!

I bought a manufactured home; the first time anyone in our family/friends circle has done that; as far as I know anyhow! It’s in a 55+ community, something that mattered to me. It’s just off the trails I learned to enjoy in the cycling club I joined. Ironically, living so close there this year, I rode less than when I lived in Brunswick–mostly because of the renovations on the new place, and the whole settling in process physically, and emotionally. It’s scary. It’s peaceful. It’s exciting. But mostly it’s just new and different. I had to renovate a bit especially for Sonny to be able to adjust; and for me to have a few things that would make it better for me. Got a lovely walk-in shower in the Master Bedroom Bathroom! A dream for me! In Brunswick, I didn’t even have a Master Bathroom!  There’s still a bunch I don’t know about and once I’m here through all 4 seasons, a full-year, I will hopefully feel more secure in my ability to live here successfully!

My two adult “kids” are still near and dear to me. I’m lucky for that. They are interesting and bright and loving people. They turned 30 and 31 in 2018! When I was their age I was pregnant with Kenny and living in Scotland!

I lost my friend Ruthie in 2018. She was 84; the loss was not a complete surprise. I learned so much from her. And I will miss her a lot. She lived life with a zest and found or made a friend everywhere she went!  I mean EVERYWHERE!!!!  At nearly the same time, I found my friend Linda. A blessing finding Linda. We share some very special history and are, quite honestly, the last two who do share this past together. So reconnecting is so exciting for me…and I think for Linda too.

Another fortunate year that, even with some medical concerns with close family and friends, all are doing well as I write this. But I think we are all more keenly aware of how precious TIME is.

My niece got married in 2018; so wonderful to get to Niagara Falls just in time to witness her ceremony and more importantly her happiness.  My great niece was born in 2018. She’s absolutely adorable and another blessed miracle to our family.  She’s my 3rd Great Niece and I have 4 Great Nephews!!!  Love it!  A lot!

I’m supposed to be packing for the New Year’s Eve cruise we’re leaving for day after tomorrow. Reminiscing seemed like a lot better thing to do than pack!  I hate packing. I know no matter what I pack, I’ll wish I had brought something else!

So I’m saying goodbye 2018, not in a negative way; and welcoming 2019 with the usual hopes and dreams that we renew each New Year. Hopes to be able to live in the NOW and for the FUTURE and clinging only to the happy past memories. Dreams for those I love and for myself to live and enjoy and cherish the time I have with family, coworkers and friends.

OX Shalom