Vancouver-Alaska Cruise 7/28/2015 – 8/1/2015 Morning!

July 30, 2015 Thursday

First day at Sea enroute to Juneau. Lila, without Internet…WoW! This is rare indeed. But it occurred to me (yes Iknow I’m quite slow) that I could open up a WORD document and begin my blog/journal and upload it to wordpress sometime much later! Well, even that didn’t work. My MSWord on this laptop, which isused primarily for work, requires internet connection for verification! So, mid-sentence, “authentication failed” and well the whole laptop froze up! So…I’m using NOTEPAD! I sure hope my sons are proud of me for coming up with solutions all on my own!

I flew “First Class” on United both to Denver and then to Vancouver. I liked it! But these were old planes and so they weren’t the most posh I’d seen, i.e. the lap trays in the arms of the seats, etc. But the other perks made is nice. To begin with, I could take “free” up to 2 bags at 70 lbs each. Nevermind that this soon out of open heart surgery I couldn’t possibly lift 70 pounds times 2!!! In the end, the large bag was 57 lbs (with all the shoes and Academy of Management “giveaways” I was hauling).

Let’s not forget that how this whole wonderful Alaskan cruise thing got started was because of the AoM conference held this year in Alaska. I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that this annual AoM trip has enhanced my life immensely. As someone who loves to travel, this annual trip means that, even if I cannot afford to go anywhere else, I will be taking a lovely annual trip, getting to throw a great party, which has meaning for our alums and colleagues alike, and, well, in the beginning, I was accompanied by my then husband and we celebrated our 8/15 anniversary each year in a different place. I spent my 25th anniversary in San Antonio, knowing divorce was looming, alone, sort of. My mother in law actually came from Houston to visit for several days with niece Julia. It was odd, but wonderful in many ways. It was a long time coming, building this friendship and mini lovefest with my mother in law and over all these years we became friends and feminists of sorts sharing more than my husband, her son. Of course the grandsons helped with that. But it was our joint efforts that built something really nice. And, as my marriage was disassembling, it was comforting and helpful to know that love and understanding had built a bridge. Enough on that for now really!

First Class Internation travel, on United at least, also means access to the United Club which isa nice way to wait for your flight. I was able to go both in Cleveland and in Denver and I stayed calm and relaxed…a BIG GOAL for this trip.

So the goals for this trip! Who knows if everyone has goals even for a trip, but for me this trip, as with so many others I’ve taken, carry a goal for me personally and the emotional goal is only a small part of that! This trip accompanies the recuperation of my open heart surgery. My new aortic valve and 4″ of aorta are working really well. I had no idea the recuperation would be as slow and unremarkable (to me anyway) as it is. I actually booked this cruise in conjunction with my AoM trip. It had been on my mind long before I even knew I would need surgery. After all, I had the opportunity to come to Vancouver via work and, as a solo traveler who has to pay “both fares” for a cruise cabin, saving on the airfare is a grand incentive to book. Also, in the back of my mind was knowledge that my father had always said he wanted to go to Alaska some day. Some day for him never came. He died at 59, just 3 months shy of his 60th birthday. Now I am 1 month shy of my 57th birthday and geographically the opportunity presents itself and, well, WHY NOT!?!? I’m not necessarily one to subscribe to “bucket list” thinking…I think it is thoughts of the dying…even though I know we’re all dying, I try not to dwell there in thought, spirit or action, if at all I can avoid it. However, I have always thought it would be so cool to see and experience Alaska. Not only because it is part of the USA, but also because it is so DIFFERENT from anywhere else culturally and climatically!

My ex-husband let it be known in no uncertain terms that he did not ever want to go anywhere coldfor vacation. As it turns out, even though he was comfortable at making it appear that he sacrificed all to my whims and desires, what I now realize is that it was the surface look of things and that he never really sacrificed anything for me or for anyone but himself. I felt so indebted to his moving to Ohio when he got out of the Navy. Well, it was just easy and convenient for him. He did not want to have anything to do with living near his mother and my mother welcomed us with open arms; I was “entertained” by my desire to be with my family, and it allowed him the much desired introspective world of alcohol and video games. It’s just fact now, not the painful and difficult to swallow experience I’ve been through these last 4 years. I can speak to it and feel it as it was. Does it make my cry, Yes. Do I miss the feeling I had when I thought I was loved unconditionally? OH YES. But, if it wsn’t true, then I’m only really missing my fantasy and well, we get to keep FANTASY. It’s the very nature of FANTASY!! So, I live contentedly knowing that for a long time, I thought I loved and was deeply and, out of that love came my sons and a host of wonderful memories, albeit peppered with some icky stuff, but well, I am proud to get to keep what’s good and decided that, in the divorce, the BAD just gets gone! Not too bad that it took only about 4 years to get there, eh?! And what do I do with “girlfriend betrayal”? Turn it upside down. She was a difficult friend at best. And, I do believe her purpose was to provide him a way out as, he had to have somewhere else to go. He could not/would not take care of himself and all those nasty details of day-to-day living. So, I believe she was placed in my life to offer that refuge. Shame it took over 18 years for that to happen. Makes the betrayal and trust issues cut deeply. But, in the end, it is her baggage and justification to live/die with, not mine. Do I miss her at all…NO. And that says as much for me as for her I suspect. So all has somehow ended up as it should be. As it always does. Life works out that way!

My late afternoon arrival (Tuesday) in Vancouver came on the tail of two relatively uneventful and smooth flights. Even my connections were easy. Since this may never happen again, it’s important to document and celebrate this!

I will learn more about Vancouver and very quickly because as I exit the flight, on the long walk to Customs and Passport Control and Baggage Claim, we pass a lovely museum of sorts and a mock natural habitat and some gorgeous indiginous artwork. It reminded me of the indiginous artwork in New Zealand.
Holland America reps were there to greet me and got me in a cab to my hotel. This was the pre-cruise transfer package I purchased, including a night at Pan Pacific hotel which is conveniently joined to the Convention Center and cruise terminal! Gorgeous views abound and I ate dinner outdoors at the hotel. Even though the flights went smoothly, I was exhausted so I ventured to get my 6000 steps in and called it a fairly early night. What spoke to me most at dinner and even after boarding the cruise ship the next morning, was the seaplane traffic in this harbour. It was almost magestic; bird-like. The seaplanes were everywhere, sort of blending in with nature seemlessly.

I worked via internet for a bit on Tuesday as it was technically a work day for AoM travel. But the internet in the hotel was horrible! I paid for it, but was only able to send one email. Anyone who knows me knows how frustrating that is for me! Of course I complained and was told that it would be removed from my bill. However, in the hustle and bustle just an hour later, I never officially checked out and didn’t realize it until I was already on board the Volendam! argh! I even went to their business center after the front desk because I was trying to complete a payment request for work and that is where the front desk lady sent me. I assumed it was free…but, guess what, it was $6.00 if I wanted to use it! I walked out of there. The on-site Holland America rep told me that next door was a Starbucks and so I was able to do everything I needed to do at Starbucks before being escorted to the cruise terminal.

Down the cascading hallways to the cruise terminal, I passed by several meeting rooms at the Vancouver Convention Center..and what was setting up, a Dungeons And Dragons Pro convention! I stopped in to take a pic of the banner, got chased out by convention center management…but did get the picture to upload to my sons for a smile!

There was no line at check it. I just breezed through; stopping for the obligatory pic which I’m sure I’ll despise! But, even though I have grown to hate pics of me, I don’t seem to have the heart to just walk on by getting them taken! I feel badly afterward so I’ve just gotten used to going ahead and smiling and getting it snapped anyhow! We were able to board the ship at 11:30am. The Volendam is a smaller ship than I’ve ever been on, much more appropriate for the Inside Passage cruise I’m on. But the layout and general setup is fairly similar. They provided us a map with our room key. This is from a class of ships that has a lower promenade deck that has a 360 degrees walkaround. 3-1/2 times around is a mile! It’s a teakwood walkaround. It’s also the deck my ocean view cabin is on. I’m the second last cabin and just that many steps away from a rear outer door to the walkaround. My understanding is if/when the Captain makes announcements of views, I’ll be just that few steps away from seeing the sights!

I enjoyed when we took off as we went under the Lions Gate Bridge. It just doesn’t seem like a cruise ship will fit underneath but it does! I fully unpacked prior to us pulling out so I could enjoy the view as we went under the bridge. Unpacking, setting up the cpap, etc. was such a relief as I know it will not have to be dealt with again for a week! My room is lovely. Nearly identical to other room I’ve had on other cruises…except beyond the headboard of my bed is an ocean view window!! The oceanview window is of very little use to me as it is on the walkaround and although the window is a mirror to those walking by, it just seems weird/odd for me to have the drapes open! You have to pay attention to eating times and places as, unlike Carnival, they are much more scheduled. The “free buffet” is only a portion of the buffet area; the remainder comes with a charge. Oh and, so important to me, I did find the “magic bathroom”! My great quest for the “magic bathroom” on each ship is such a silly but satisfying endeavor. This is because it is a full-sized and wheel-chair accessible bathroom and is almost hidden and rarely used! So finding it and knowing where it is can be comforting. Sometimes even having a full-sized sink, etc. is nice!! Weird Lila stuff I know!

Today’s dilema to solve…TIME! With my phone turned off for fear of data issues, not to mention the time changes as we sail around, I have no way to know what time it is! Well on channel 40 on the TV it has ship time! I forgot to bring a watch because I wear my Jawbone UP to count steps; it has a watch of sorts in it except that it’s tied to the app on my phone, so the time on it is unrealiable to staying on ship time! Argh! So what did I forget besides a watch? My shampoo, conditioner and mousse. I ALWAYS manage to be without the good stuff! There is shampoo/conditioner in a dispenser in the shower (by the way, the room has a shower AND tub!), but I always end up with “gift shop” hair mousse and it’s lousy at best! I texted Michael before we set sail and he said, Yup it was in the ULTA bag I bought it in right by my chair! double argh!

July 31, 2015 (Friday)
OK the grand solution to the time issue…figuring out how to manually set my phone to a time, not tied to satellite, etc. updating. Yay! I think I figured this out just in time as at 2am on Friday morning, the time was dropped back an hour to match Alaska time and we will be staying at that time. So, it is now 8:26am on Friday morning as I write this paragraph, and it is (I think) 12:30pm at home! Funny that I still want to know what time it is at “home”! That should be part of the definition of home!

Silly time changing, etc. has screwed up my Jawbone UP pedometer counting. It’s funny I suppose how obnoxious that is to me but, for example, yesterday after an afternoon tea I was finishing up my 6000 step goal, got to 5726 and suddenly my UP thought it was the next day…so it shows that I DIDN’T FINISH my 6000 steps, even though I long finished them. Talk about ARGH! It’s like a betrayal of sorts. But I suppose that is just an example of how dependent we become on electronic stimulation. Does the fact that this silly APP doesn’t show my 6000 steps achievement mean I’m less accomplished? NO, but somehow I have lost PROOF of it and it feels wrong! We arrive in Juneau in about 5 hours and who knows, maybe it will all correct itself.

I’ve been resting and SLEEPING deeper than I was sleeping these last several many weeks. I’m not sure when it started, but my sleep was becoming more irratic and I tried all the easy solutions, going to be earlier, or staying up later to get really tired, etc. But what I didn’t do was equate sleep to healing enough I think. I believe that sleep is when my healing can really take place. I’ve been going to sleep really early since I left Cleveland. I’m sure it’s coincidence, however, I’m watching my scar disappear before my eyes! I think I underestimated the stress that going back to work was going to be. Because I had kept working from home during my entire recovery, I didn’t realize how stressful going back was going to be.

Things I took for granted: GETTING DRESSED. Flexibility to wash and dry and apply lotions, etc. even to face and neck and arms.

I am so happy to be on this cruise alone. I’m invisible by choice! Not something I ever thought I’d want to be. But, as I’m healing and coming out of the craziness of this entire process, being sort of invisible is helpful. I am meeting very nice people and chatting, so I’m not anti-social. But, for example, I did not even go to dinner last evening. It was “formal” night, but as we know, that has changed in the level of formality. However, not for some of the older folks here! Some were wearing tuxedos!! As I did this morning, I had breakfast in my room. Yummy poached eggs, etc. and too hours to get myself out and ready for the day. I visited around the ship and then went to their limited hours burger grill for lunch around 2pm; went with a mom/daughter combo I met in the hotel prior to a Tea and Cupcake event at 3 in the dining room and then did my walking around the teakwood walk around as the formally dressed folks headed to/from dinner and photos for hours. I was invited to join Pam/Brooke for dinner but declined. First of all, I was full! Secondly, the thought of un and re dressing didn’t excite me in the least. I knew for sure after taking my steps, I’d need to shower, etc. and well the showering isn’t the problem, it’s everything afterward. It just takes SO LONG!!! After I walked I had water and ate the night before’s two chocolate squares before showering for bed! Went to bed incredibly early with a book on my kindle I started reading on the flight here. And, as is the case with me and reading in bed, I fell asleep shortly afterward. Don’t worry, I set my clock back the 1 hour before hitting the bed!!!

All the gyms I’ve seen on the cruises have lovely windows to outlook while exercising. But on this ship, it’s the Bow of the ship! So the treadmills are all along the front of the ship; you’re sort of like the CAPTAIN as you exercise. That’s the GOOD. The BAD…you can’t get to the GYM by just going to it. You have to go through the maze of every service the spa offers…with the technicians literally hanging outside their doors asking you to come take a look at the exclusive service they offer. Yes you can decline, but I have no desire to say No approximately 30 times before getting to the gym! You even have to pass the manicure/pedicure folks along the way and they’re all hailing you to them! Considering the fact that I did not get a mani/pedi and/or haircut before coming here, that’s just difficult for me to do! I do not look so lovely, but not interested in spending nearly $100 on a mani or pedi either! Funny, but I would just as happily lose that same $100 in the casino! But, since I’m invisible, who needs lovely fingers/toes! I may go ahead and have a mani/pedi in Scagway or Ketchican as I do not have an excursion there.

I believe I saw the tail of a whale yesterday on my walkabout. Of course it’s not called a tail. It has some other great name, which I cannot remember right now and, sans internet, I cannot google to input it correctly here! I miss my internet! But, I’ve resisted temptation to purchase any and even to go to the library area that has several computers to use and even some free lessons, etc. which I figured I could even sneak some email viewing time if I went! Right now I’m typing this still on my Notepad sipping English Breakfast Tea in my room. I’ll shower here in a bit and then enjoy the ship for a few hours before we arrive in Juneau. We get to Juneau at 1:00pm and leave at 9:30pm or something around there. This is where I have my big excursion taking me to the Mendenhal Glacier, to see humpback whales and to a lodge via pontoon boat for a fresh salmon bake buffet!

About this cruise. I have never seen so many wheelchairs, people with 1 leg, canes, walkers, etc. It’s a good cruise to rehabilitate on I guess! By comparison, I can easily maintain my invisibility, because I’m not really sick…just recuperating and slow! This is also the most culturally diverse cruise I’ve been on. Leaving from Vancouver makes quite a difference from the typical Florida ports I’ve left from in the past. Even the 2 cruises leaving from Puerto Rico didn’t have this diverse of a customer base. It’s exciting really. So many different languages being spoken. It’s like a musical medly to me. No towel animals in the room! But they provide you a fruit bowl and put fresh fruit of your choice in it…banan, green apple and orange for me! Still the daily ice bucket which for me is perfect. This is a bit of an older ship; no fridge, etc. in the room. But I have more than what I need. Friendly staff abound. But, silly as it is, I miss that personal introduction andd name memory stuff I got used to on most of the Carnival Cruises I’ve been on! Of course the shopping channel and flyers abound. And Alaskan Gold Nugget and other “limited quantity” gems only available through this cruise, etc. abound as well! I’ve attended nothing shopping related. But am still inundated with the offers, etc.

I have fallen in love with the Holland America pens. They’re clicker pens but the barrel is recycled cardboard. Very “sustainabilty minded”. They don’t sell them.. I’ve managed to collect 5 so far! I would love to buy them as souvenirs! And each time I’ve mentioned it to someone they give me one! So that’s how I have 5!

I’m just now back in my room from my 7 hours excursion “Best of Juneau” including the Mildenhall Glacier, Orca Lodge Silver Salmon Bake buffet and humpback whale watching. It was fantastic. And I know I’ve benefited from all the extra sleep I had these first two days because my energy never waned and I loved the entire excursion. It’s been a long time since I felt like I could really relax and have fun. I’ve been struggling to put on a good face of health/wellness. I know I wasn’t successful at hiding it, but it was an important front for me to put up to continue working and believing I’m recovering. I just was not really believing it would take so long to recover.

I’m rather an idiot when it comes to Alaska, Glaciers, Icebergs, etc. So this trip has been amazing. There are 5 species of salmon in Alaska. They taught us to remember them by using the digits on our hand: Chum=Thumb (because it rhymes); Sockeye=Index Finger (because you can use it to poke an eye out!); King=2nd Finger (because it’s higher than all other fingers on most of us!); Silver=Ring Finger (because silver rings could go there!); and Pink=Pinky finger (for obvious reasons!). Glaciers form over hundreds of years of snow and melting and compacting and over the thousands of years, some of the melting is what helped form the lands that comprise Alaska, etc. I was afraid to ask, because I didn’t want to show my ignorance, but I didn’t know the difference between a Glacier and an Iceberg. An Icebergs is one of these ice masses that breaks off and floats away. This is SERIOUS ICE people! It’s unbelievable to see personally. I hope if our loved ones see us, that my dad saw me seeing Alaska today. I never felt like I made him proud or happy; maybe if he saw me troop through things today…maybe today was the day…..

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Is it really August 1st already? How the heck can that be? It is like January 1st was just here the other day. That’s how 2015 has been for me…an absolute whirlwind. I’m so fortunate, so don’t think of this as whining, it’s just sort of head-shaking. Dozens of blood draws, at least a dozen chest xrays, several Chest CT’s with and without contraxt and angiography, chest MRI (only 1!), 2 or 3 echocardiograms, stress tests, ekgs, and of course the cardiac catherization and open heart aortic valve and dacron aortic graft replacements…Wow! I was out of work for 8 weeks, that felt like a couple days, mostly due to medication and recuperation. I am shocked and thrilled and freaked out by it all. But here on this cruise, I’m at peace. It’s so peaceful when you get to view the vastness of Alaska. It’s beautiful, serene and awe-inspiring. It’s also cold and rainy and foggy and a bit of dreary mixed in…but the beauty outweighs that completely. It sort of reminds me of how I feel about Scotland and the daily rains. You get so used to the daily rains, you don’t even see it any more; you only see the lush and lovely beauty.

Oh, this is an important detail to share! No great segwey here, but I was completely wrong about the towel animals! I got 2 of them tonight. I turned my own bed down last night so that’s apparently why I did not get one yesterday!!! My cabin stewards are Sarji and Yati and they are fabulous of course!